


Clean Up Your Act

by Inkfowl



Series: The Summer of Smut [3]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Accidental Tickling, Anal Sex, Ed is just horny af, M/M, Married Couple, Post-Season/Series Finale, Restraints, Riding, Sexual Roleplay, french maid, light rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkfowl/pseuds/Inkfowl
Summary: The Riddler's lair is a mess, and so is Riddler himself.  So naturally, there's only one way to clean everything up...
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Series: The Summer of Smut [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787152
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88





	Clean Up Your Act

**Author's Note:**

> (Honestly, this story is kind of a mess...I just wanted to put Oswald in a maid costume lol)

Ed ran down the sidewalk and skidded around a corner to duck into an alley. There was an easily overlooked door that he stopped at. Although, The Riddler knew that nothing was what it seemed. It was a puzzle door of his own design, a hidden entrance to his new, previously abandoned, Riddle Factory. He slipped inside and started up the stairs.

He should’ve taken the service elevator. 

It was right there, and he hadn’t booby-trapped it recently so there was no risk of falling into his own trap...which definitely never happened...ever. Sometimes he got  _ momentarily stuck _ , but then his husband was only a phone call away to push a button or throw a rope down a hole.

Oswald would then nag him about being careful, and how this would happen less if he ever cleaned the place up. But that was  **_part_ ** of it. The Bat would never be expecting piles of gears and random pieces on the floor. However, he would admit, the dust and grime on top of everything was due to neglect. Maybe that’s why Oswald stopped visiting him so much. That, or the last time he tried to surprise Riddler he triggered an unfinished saw-blade machine that chewed up his top hat. Ed made a joke about how Oswald was, thankfully, so short.

He was barred from the mansion, and ended up spending the next several nights in the makeshift apartment on the top floor.

He couldn’t help it though! “The Riddler” had more important things to do than clean and child-proof the lair; and one of those things was robbing museums. With each step he climbed, jewels once belonging to Marie Antoinette jingled in the pocket of his coat. The gaudy piece from the traveling exhibit may, or may not, be a bribe to earn his way back into Penguin’s good graces. And perhaps his bed.

They hadn’t been married very long, but after their ten year separation, Ed wanted to treat every night like an extended honeymoon. Sometimes that meant enjoying a glass of wine and cuddling under the covers, and other times it meant someone getting tied to the bed frame. Riddler missed both, but he’d recently been craving the latter even more.

Which meant his present better go over well.

Finally, he reached the top of the stairs. Riddler took them two at a time...but at what cost? He needed to take a few breaths before opening the door to his living space. Then he had to take at least one more.

A little french maid was dusting off his workbench. Okay, maybe  _ little _ wasn’t the right word. Oswald barely fit into the cheesy costume, the seams around the waist were close to busting. And they weren’t the only thing. Riddler pulled his coat over the erection that suddenly started growing in his pants. He was deprived, but he had some decency.

The sound of the door must’ve alerted Oswald because he turned around with a bright smile. “Bonjour, monsieur Nygma.”

Ed stood dumbfounded. Was he so touch-starved he was hallucinating again? Did a new villain gas the city? Whatever it was...he wasn’t complaining.

“Uh...bonjour?” That could’ve been smoother. He shook his head before trying again with a more charming face. “Parlez-vous français?”

“Un peu.” Oswald pinched his fingers together for a visual.

Except Ed was more focused on the overall visual. Now that Oswald was facing him, Ed got a better look at the outfit. A cute little headband tucked into Oswald’s black hair. The plunging neckline was trimmed with lace, as were the cap sleeves that squeezed around his biceps. The frills continued to the short black dress, poofy skirt, and a small white apron. Underneath that were thigh high fishnets, attached with garters, and kitten heels.

When his eyes travelled back up to meet Oswald’s, he smiled and whispered as if they were back in that limo. “Oswald…”

Oswald just fluttered his lashes. “Yes?”

Ed bit his lip and nodded at the bed in the corner. Oswald glanced over, but tilted his head, pretending he had no idea what Ed was implying. “You don’t mind that I changed your sheets do you? The old ones needed to go.”

“Oh. So that means...fresh sheets for…?” Ed nodded towards the bed again, adding some gestures between them this time.

“Ahhh...I see…” Oswald put a finger on his jaw. “Well...that’d be a fine idea, but I must finish cleaning. Too bad this place is  _ so messy _ .”

That was all as Oswald turned back around. “But please, feel free to return to your work, don’t mind me.”

That would be impossible, Riddler’s mind only had one thought. He spared a moment to take off his coat and sparkly boots, they wouldn’t be needed later, and strode over to his desk. He leaned on his arm right in the way of Oswald’s feather duster.

“How could I get anything done when  _ you’re _ at my desk?”

Oswald met the gaze with a flirtatious smile of his own, but then he just tickled the tip of Ed’s nose with the duster before setting it down. “Fine. I’ll clean something else.”

Ed caught his wrist to stop him from walking away. “Like what? The place is spotless. C’mon, why don’t you take a  **break** ?”

“Because, I have a job to do...monsieur.” Oswald pulled his hand free and took a few short steps into the kitchenette area. “For instance, this counter needs a  _ lot _ of scrubbing.”

Ed hadn’t noticed when he came in, but there was a green bucket on the floor beneath the sink. A sponge floated among a sea of iridescent soap bubbles. Ed’s sliver of rational thought noted that it’d be much easier for Oswald if the bucket wasn’t on the floor. But easier wasn’t the point, and that sliver of rationale was quickly forgotten when Oswald bent over.

It took every molecule of self control for Riddler not to pounce on his husband then and there.

That skirt was tiny, and Ed could see everything under the crinoline. Although, there really wasn’t much to see. Oswald’s round bottom had nothing covering it, only the elastic straps connected to the garter belt above. They made a nice pattern, black lines against the pale skin, but Ed’s attention was mostly drawn to the center. The unmistakable sight of a plug was nestled between Oswald’s cheeks.

Ed actually whined, and he even pushed himself against the desk. His pitiful sounds caught Oswald’s attention. Except Oswald did nothing more than throw a teasing look over his shoulder before reaching into the bucket again.

This time he wiggled his hips a little. This time Riddler couldn’t help it.

It wouldn’t be considered sneaking, but Riddler slid up to that tempting behind and snapped one of the elastic garters against Oswald’s soft flesh. Oswald straightened up immediately and slapped Ed across the face with the sponge.

“Mon dieu! How improper!”

The water dripped off his face, but Ed made no attempt to wipe it away. Instead, he just looked at Oswald and sighed longingly. “Oswald please...you can’t seriously do this to me.”

“Do what?”

“Torture me.” Riddler moved a little closer. “Make me look at you... _ think _ about you.” He reached out with his hands, hovering above Oswald’s waist. “But now you won’t let me touch you?”

“You say that like I owe you something,” Oswald’s eyes flicked down to Ed’s hands, “but it’s you who owes me.”

“For the cleaning services? Well,  _ madame _ , I’d be happy to repay you  _ any _ way I can.” He leaned in for a kiss.

Another sponge slap. “Try again.”

Now with water on both sides of his face, Ed started to think a little clearer. Suddenly, he remembered the stolen jewelry. “Will a present do?”

Oswald lifted the sponge. “I’ll give you one more chance, or else the only thing getting wet tonight is your stupid head. Which, luckily, didn’t get attacked by a killer saw blade.”

Ohhh...now Ed was starting to put the pieces together. The clean apartment, the maid get-up...this was a lesson.

Ed immediately clasped his hands together. “Oswald, I am so so sorry. Really, I am. I’m  _ so  _ **_so_ ** sorry that happened, and I promise it will never  **ever** happen again. I-I...I’ll even clean up once a week! Every day! No more unfinished puzzles or death traps, I swear!”

Oswald pursed his lips, but he did drop the sponge. Riddler sighed. “Oh thank you, thank you. Now uh...now can I-you-we…”

Oswald smirked. “Non.”

Ed’s face fell. “Non? Non! B-But...oui!”

“Non.” Oswald repeated the denial. “I still have work to do.”

“Wh-wha-what? B-But...I…”

Oswald placed a finger on Riddler’s chest. “For example, now I’ll have to do laundry because your poor clothes are all wet.”

Ed hesitantly glanced between the finger and the smile still on Oswald’s face. “So...maybe I should take them off?”

Oswald leaned forward, slowly. “Oui.” Then he started to undo the buttons on Ed’s shirt.

Finally! Riddler’s hands were able to settle at Oswald’s waist. The costume was cheap silk, but that didn’t matter, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. He playfully pinched each lovehandle. Oswald faked a high-pitched yelp, before continuing onto Ed’s belt.

Ed lowered his head to whisper. “Now that we’re on good terms again, can I just say how much I’ve missed you?” He kissed his husband’s neck a few times. “Because I really, really fucking missed you.”

Oswald gasped. “Sacré bleu, such inappropriate language!”

Before Ed could say anything else, Oswald pulled him into an open mouthed kiss. When they parted, Oswald suddenly slapped him again, and then grabbed his jaw. “I guess I’m going to have to wash out that dirty mouth of yours too.”

Riddler, both surprised and horny at the rapid mood changes, licked his lips. “I fucking hope so, isn’t that part of your damn job?”

He got another slap, and it made him whine. Then he was forced to look at Oswald again. “Now, what did I just say about language?”

“That it was inappropriate? But you know what’s even more inappropriate?” He pulled Oswald closer. “A maid trying to seduce their boss.”

“Trying?” In a swift movement, Oswald tugged on Ed’s pants and they fell to the floor. He lightly gasped and Oswald smiled. “I’d say I’m succeeding.”

Riddler’s lips slowly spread into a smile, and then he claimed Oswald’s mouth in a rough kiss. Biting and tugging, he pulled away. “In my opinion, you haven’t succeeded until you’ve gotten me in bed.”

Oswald rolled his eyes, but he put a finger on Ed’s chest and prodded him back. “So sorry monsieur, I’ll remedy that right away.”

Once across the small room, Ed’s knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell onto his elbows. He was in the perfect position to admire his husband once again, looking over the tight, shiny, costume. The strings of the apron fit right into the folds of Oswald’s stomach.

Riddler licked his lips. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Oswald batted his eyes.

“Shouldn’t your clothes  _ also _ be laundered?”

“Well I don’t think mine got wet.” Oswald looked down. “Let’s see.”

Under the guise of inspecting his clothes, Oswald started to run his hands all over the dress. Along the neckline, patting down his middle, and even teasing his fingers around the short hemline. Ed enjoyed the show, but he was about out of patience for any more pretense. He sat up and reached out, but before he could grab hold of his hubby, his hands were smacked away.

“Oh come on! Now you’re just being rude.”

“And you’re being far too handsy with the help.” Oswald paused to smile. “Something should be done about that.”

Ed’s eyes widened at the implication. He half-wanted to say ‘no’ because he’d already gone days without being able to touch Oswald, but...what was a few more minutes? He quickly placed his hands by the bed frame, as Oswald was carefully undoing his apron. Ed squirmed as the strings were wound around his wrists, feeling the lacy trim of the apron on his fingertips once he was tied up. While Oswald was leaning over to check the knots, Ed tried kissing everything within reach.

Then Oswald chuckled and pulled away. “Can’t you control yourself for five seconds?”

“Around you? Never.”

Oswald yanked on the apron once more. “Then it’s a good thing I have this. Now I can finish my job in peace.”

He smirked and started pulling off Ed’s underwear. Ed’s cock sprung out from the elastic band, but he wasn’t the least bit embarrassed. “And then you can start on another one, right?”

“Right.” He ran a finger up Ed’s member. “But first, I have to add these to the pile.”

Oswald winked and left to throw the boxers on top of Riddler’s other clothes by the foot of the desk. However, instead of coming right back, he picked up his tools. Ed’s eyes flicked up to Oswald’s as the water bucket was placed by the bed.

“You can’t be serious.”

“What do you mean?” For the second time that night, Oswald brushed the tip of Ed’s nose with the feather duster. “Everything in here is clean except for you.”

Ed started to protest, but it dissolved into laughter as Oswald attacked his neck. “Oswald...please!”

“Please what?”

“O-Oswald!” Riddler was struggling to speak as he laughed and writhed. “S-St...stop!”

Oswald finally pulled the duster away so Riddler could breathe again. “Are you okay?”

Ed’s neck was still tingling. “Y-Yes, I just didn’t expect-”

The feathers brushing across his chest made him laugh once again before he bit down hard on his lip. Oswald smirked down at him. “Good, because there’s so much more of you to dust.”

Ed sniveled as Oswald made long strokes up and down his torso. The barely-there touches teased every single nerve of his body. Oswald ghosted the feathers over his skin, sometimes it would be fast and concentrated in one area, or a prolonged brush up each leg. Ed was caught between groaning and uncontrollable laughter as the tickling sensation became too much. He struggled against the apron strings.

“S-Stop, stop please! Oswald, please…”

Oswald ended by dangling the feathers on the tip of Edward’s cock. “All done! Got the first layer of dirt off.”

Ed had to catch his breath. It felt like his body was on fire in the best way possible; but before he could cool down he thought about Oswald’s words. “First layer?”

“Mmhm, now it’s onto the wash cycle.” Oswald held up the dripping sponge.

“Y-You know, you don’t have to keep this maid act the whole time.”

Oswald tilted his head to the side. “Act?”

With a small smile, Oswald slapped the sponge down on Riddler’s stomach, hard enough to make him yelp. As if in apology, Oswald cooed and started moving the sponge out in a slow circular motion. It could’ve been soothing, but the feather duster’s stimulation meant his nerves felt every crevice with each swipe of the sponge. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. When the circles were big enough to reach his nipples, Oswald grinned maliciously and flipped to the abrasive side. Ed’s whines did nothing to stop Oswald from scraping the harsh material over each sensitive nub.

Ed squirmed to get away, but he only ended up scratching himself more. He whimpered from both pain and pleasure, but he looked up to Oswald with pleading eyes. His husband took pity and flipped the sponge back to the softer side. Then Oswald pressed a kiss to each nipple.

“I’m sorry, did that hurt?” Oswald asked in a babyish tone.

Riddler swallowed. His body might be begging for respite, but it was also begging to be touched and kissed and scratched and…

He tried a smile. “Y-You’ve done worse.”

Oswald’s eyes lit up, and he brushed his lips against Ed’s. “But I’m not done yet.

“Oswald...” He was interrupted when the wet sponge slapped his stomach again. Except this time, it was headed lower.

The sponge teased around his arousal, making Ed jerk every time it came close. The water had been cool earlier, but now it felt ice cold and he shivered as the sponge scrubbed his lower half. Oswald moved from Ed’s waist all the way down his legs to start washing his feet. Riddler didn’t know what was worse, the feather-light duster or the scouring of the sponge. Either way, his toes were curled and he couldn’t suppress the occasional burst of laughter.

When Oswald was done with one, he started travelling up the other leg. Dedicated to his job, he pushed Ed’s leg back to get under his thigh. Of course this was also the time he flipped the sponge again. Digging the rough green material into the delicate flesh. Ed mewled and twisted his hips as much as he could, but Oswald’s grip on his leg was strong.

Oswald clicked his tongue. “Tsk, tsk it’ll only take longer if you’re going to be difficult.”

“It’s already taken longer.” Ed huffed. “Can’t we just...do away with the props and...” he paused as he looked over the tight dress again, “get on with it?”

Without answering, Oswald stood up and let Ed’s leg fall back onto the bed. Then he lightly shrugged and dropped the sponge in the bucket. “I suppose, if the monsieur requests it.”

That was too easy. “Real-”

“But I’ve got to finish cleaning one way or another.”

Ah. There’s the catch. Except Riddler couldn’t think of what other sanitation method Oswald had in mind until Oswald climbed between his legs, and he realized it wasn’t going to be very sanitary at all.

Oswald smiled up at him. “Because…” he kissed the tip of Ed’s cock, “you’re still...” he licked around the top, “very…” a stripe up the side, “very…”

Ed gasped when Oswald finally got his lips around the head. Oswald lazily started sucking, but shortly stopped to look up one more time and whisper. “ _ Dirty _ .”

It wasn’t just the sponge bath that had Riddler dripping. Why did he agree to be tied up? Why couldn’t he just reach down and pull Oswald into a long, heated kiss? No, now he was stuck watching and wanting…

His self-pity was cut short as Oswald took Ed into his mouth again. He stayed true to his character and did a  _ thorough _ job. It was painfully slow, Oswald would swirl his tongue around each inch before going further, but he would also suck harder every time. Hoping to spur him on, Ed would dig his heels into Oswald’s back, but the silk was too slippery for any real traction. So instead, he resorted to begging for more.

“O-Oswald...mm, please. Faster, j-just a little faster…”

Instead, Oswald stopped, so close to the end. His eyes flicked up to meet Ed’s. Ed stared back down, hoping his look of desperation would be enough. It wasn’t. If he wanted to relieve this pressure, he’d have to do some swallowing of his own, specifically his pride.

“I’m sorry.” He panted. “Please...please continue with...your  _ cleaning _ .”

Satisfied with the second apology of the night, Oswald was quick to take that last inch. When Oswald finally reached the base, Ed almost came then and there. The long wait was over, but he knew there was more to come. Sure enough, Oswald started moving his lips, and swirling his tongue around the shaft.

Riddler could feel himself getting close. The water still on his skin had kept him cool as it dried, but when Oswald started bobbing his head, the heat came flooding back into Riddler’s body. He jerked his hips up...but felt nothing.

He lifted his head to see Oswald wiping his mouth. Ed spluttered, unable to form sentences in his current state. “W-Wha...Os...I...I…”

Oswald sat on his knees. “Well, I think my work here is done.”

“What?” Ed started struggling with the restraints, trying to free his hands, but the knot was tied tighter than expected.

“So I better go.”

Ed couldn’t even fathom being left alone right now. “No! No, no, no! Don’t go! You can’t leave me like this! J-Just one lick...a touch! God, please, anything!”

Oswald smiled and moved his hand towards Ed’s throbbing cock, receiving a pitiful cry, but pulled back. “My, my, you’re really that close aren’t you?”

“Yes!” Ed didn’t know how that wasn’t obvious, only making him more agitated for it to be over.

“Well now I really should go.” Oswald sighed dramatically and slid off the bed. “You’ll never last for the rest of it.”

“The  _ rest _ ! There’s more?”

Without saying anything, Oswald wiggled his hips. Ed suddenly remembered the plug he saw earlier. He started thrashing again, he’d rip this bed frame off before he let Oswald leave.

“Oswald...Oswald, please! I-I can...y-you can…” He was slowly coming away from the edge, but this new prospect riled him up again. “Just untie me and I promise I’ll…”

“Untie you?” Oswald stepped closer to trail a finger down the inside of Riddler’s arm. “Why would I do that?”

Then his finger changed directions, sliding up and up until he reached the apron itself. Ed could feel him rummaging around in the apron’s pocket until a bottle of lube was produced. Oswald shook it and leaned over to kiss his husband.

“I don’t need your hands for anything.”

“But, but...I wanted to take it out.” Riddler pouted.

Oswald kissed him once more. “Again, I don’t need your  _ hands _ for anything.”

It took Ed a second, but then he licked his lips. “I can never tell if you’re torturing me or spoiling me.”

“As if there’s a difference with you.” Oswald winked and turned around. “But you better be gentle or else I  _ will _ show you the difference.”

Ed was smart enough to tell a real threat from a tease, but as soon as Oswald lifted the skirt, he was seriously considering the risk. The sight was as lovely as before, the garter straps stretched across each plump cheek. Riddler would’ve loved to grope and squeeze each one, but his situation only allowed for kisses and nips. He was licking at a recent bite mark when he heard Oswald moan.

Riddler chuckled. “Now who’s impatient?”

“If you’re going to take any longer, I’m going to do it myself.”

Riddler planted another kiss. “A question first...how long have you been waiting for me? Minutes? Hours?  _ All day _ ?”

“Is that what you want me to say? That I’ve been dressed up for you this whole time? Sitting around thinking, ‘Oh, I can’t wait for Eddie to show up and-’” Oswald gasped.

Ed was licking around the plug, trying to get his tongue inside. Before he could achieve his goal, he got a smack on the head. Oswald was glaring over his shoulder. Ed just smiled back.

“What? Aren’t you all about getting  _ clean _ tonight?”

“Touché, but you can save that for when  _ you’re _ wearing the dress.”

Riddler could live with that. He got one more lick in before grabbing the ring of the plug with his teeth. Gentle, he had to remind himself of the repercussions of pulling too fast. Besides, he found he could drag out Oswald’s moans by going slow. Right at the end, he pushed it back in a little, and got a sharp hiss before he pulled the plug all the way out. Dropping it into the bucket by the bed, Ed quickly went back to sneak one last taste before Oswald turned around.

Oswald shook his head, but he smiled. “I ought to shove a whole bar of soap down your throat for that.”

“Come on, you liked it.” Riddler winked. “I can see your skirt tenting.”

Oswald blushed and tugged the short hem. “Not even a maid of my stature could clean that filthy mind of yours.”

“Maybe you should slap me around with the sponge again.”

Oswald was crawling back on top of him. “Did you actually like that?”

“More than I expected.” Ed watched Oswald open the lube. “I think it was the texture.”

“You and your textures.” Oswald poured a generous amount on Ed’s still hard cock, and lazily started pumping it. “How’s this one feel?”

Riddler tilted his head back. “Mm...good as ever. Although, I prefer the gloves.”

“Sorry, the costume didn’t come with any. But...” with his free hand, Oswald rubbed the side of the dress, “I thought I’d make up for it by buying one a size too small.”

Ed’s eyes followed the hand over each bump of Oswald’s stomach, and licked his lips. “Trust me, you’ve made up for it ten fold.”

“Ten fold?” Oswald pinched his own fat. “I think I only have the two.”

Again, Riddler considered ripping the frame off the bed just so he could grab hold of Oswald. Any scheming was cut short when he felt a squeeze at the base of his cock. Oswald smirked as he got lined up and then his face relaxed as he started lowering himself onto it.

Already stretched, and assisted by the lube, Oswald sank all the way down to Ed’s hips. They each took a moment to enjoy the feeling and adjust to it before Oswald started to rock back and forth. Ed groans and fidgets with the apron strings, but there’s not much else he can do. Sometimes he thrusts up, but he’s also more than satisfied to just lay back.

Due to leg issues, it's rare that Oswald agrees to ride him, but he loves these special occasions. He loves the weight on his hips, the way Oswald’s arms and stomach jiggle as he bounces, and-

Suddenly, amid their huffing and moaning, there’s another sound - a ripping sound. Under the strain, the side seam of the dress tore open. Oswald stops to look down at it, and that’s when Riddler makes a move. All his struggling paid off, and the apron strings were loose enough that he could free his hands and use them to pull himself up to kiss Oswald.

Oswald shoved Ed back onto the mattress and wiped his mouth. “You sneaky bastard...keep your nasty tongue to yourself.”

“You said it yourself, I’m a _very_ _dirty boy_.” Riddler took hold of Oswald’s hips and gave a big thrust.

Oswald’s breath hitched, but there were no objections to letting Riddler take some control. They found a steady pace, with Riddler trying to pull Oswald further down with each rise and fall.

While they were both moving against each other, Ed’s hand travelled up to the busted seam. He dipped two fingers inside so he could poke at his husband’s soft skin. He’d missed this too. Ed started tearing and tugging at the stitching until he was able to fit his whole hand inside the dress, but that wasn’t enough. He continued ripping the cheap fabric, enjoying the sound of it breaking apart as it revealed more and more of Oswald.

He also savored all the noises Oswald would make as Ed’s hands explored his body. Riddler would grope or caress every inch he uncovered. Now it was Oswald’s turn to squirm, but he never let it interrupt their rhythm. Not until Ed finally tore away the skirt, then he jerked a little out of sync.

Ed barely noticed because he was so focused on admiring Oswald. The maid outfit was undeniably sexy, but Riddler always thought  **nothing** was the best look on Oswald. There were still parts of the dress hanging off the other side, but the view was mostly unobstructed. Oswald’s torso was flushed pink with a few beads of sweat rolling down to the garter belt. Beyond that, Ed smiled upon seeing the glistening tip of Oswald’s erection.

With no hesitation, Riddler reached over and took hold of it. Oswald gasped loudly at the sudden pressure.

“Oh fuck! God...Ed…”

“Now who’s using inappropriate language?” He started rubbing his thumb over the slit.

Oswald rocked forward, making Ed moan as he pushed into the hand. Ed started stroking Oswald with one hand, but his other dug into Oswald’s hip, trying to keep him in place as he bounced faster in Ed’s lap. The frilly headband began to slip out of Oswald’s hair.

Oswald was panting and whining as Riddler continued to touch him and fuck him, and Riddler couldn’t get enough of it. Ed desperately wanted Oswald to come with him, but with the earlier teasing and the tight feeling around his cock, chances seemed thin. However, like the apron strings, he wasn’t one to give up. He moved his hand faster, pumping and twisting around Oswald’s shaft.

He could feel Oswald getting close, getting even harder to match his own...but then Oswald clenched around him and he was coming hard and fast. Oswald didn’t let up though, and neither did Ed, his grip tightened until he felt Oswald spill onto his chest.

They both stayed in that position for a little while, trying to catch their breath. With a groan Oswald climbed off to lay next to Ed. The bed wasn’t very big, so they had to snuggle close to one another. Riddler happily wrapped one arm around Oswald’s shoulders, and another across his stomach.

After some quiet cuddling, Ed had to ask. “You didn’t really clean this place by yourself did you?”

Oswald chuckled. “Hell no. I had a crew come in when I saw you leave today.”

“You let other people touch my stuff? I had important plans and inventions and...”

“Nobody stole your ideas. Besides,” Oswald kissed his cheek, “your handwriting is about as messy as your living space.”

Riddler shot him a look, but then they both laughed. Riddler pulled Oswald closer. “Well not anymore, I meant it when I said I’ll clean once a week.”

“Hm, I remember you saying everyday.”

“Um...that was said in a moment of desperation, it doesn’t count.”

“They were said at the same time.”

Ed pressed his lips into a thin line. “Mmhm. Yes well…”

“And there was something else you said-”

“Was it the ‘very dirty boy’ line? Because that was another  _ in the moment _ thing and I didn’t really think about it.”

“ **Clearly** , so don’t ever say it again. But no, what I was  **going** to ask about was...you mentioned a  _ present _ earlier?”

Riddler remembered his heist. “Why yes, I do; and I think it’ll make for a nice…” he picked at the remnants of the dress, “ _ rags _ to riches story.”

Oswald raised a fist. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Ed brought the fist to his mouth so he could kiss each knuckle. “I’m very lucky...because I have you.”

Oswald blushed and buried his face in Ed’s neck. “You’re disgusting.”

Riddler chuckled and pressed his lips to Oswald’s head. “Maybe I need a sexy maid to clean me up again.”

Oswald lifted his head to see Riddler raising his eyebrows. Oswald stared for a second, and then he plucked the headband out of his hair and put it in Ed’s. “Good luck with that, I’m retiring.”

They giggled and kissed. Then Ed sighed. “But seriously, we should probably shower.”

“Agreed. Oh, and then you can give me my gift while we have dessert!” Oswald smiled. “There are some eclairs in the fridge.”

Ed looked affectionately at his husband for several seconds. “I love you.”

Oswald shrugged. “They’re just eclairs. I’m sure you could make better ones anyway.” Then he smirked. “I love you too. Now wash your hair, it looks greasy.”


End file.
